|I Dreamed I Saw Guian Heintzen Last Night|
|Some of our older members may remember back to their youths when, after a bracing contest, they would they would sit at the feet of their elders, perhaps drinking a refreshing Nehi soda, and hear about the legends of Ultimate. Among those legends, no name shone more brightly than that of the "Lumbering Dutchman" - Guian Heintzen. A giant in every sense of the word, Heintzen's brilliant career was derailed by a devastating ankle injury and, embittered and increasingly prone to drink, he drifted out of the game, and indeed out the company of respectable men. While no one knows for sure, it has been thought that he died decades ago, with a gimpy ankle and cirrhotic liver as his only companions.
Well, the damnedest thing happened yesterday. After an ecstatic tilt on the sacred turf of Glover Field, Messrs. Jones and Collery were idly tossing the frisbee around in the golden twilight, when suddenly the 10 foot high weeds which enclose the field parted, and through them appeared a...being. More specter than man, he was dressed in antique clothing, given to archaic speech, and walked with a pronounced limp. On seeing his appearance, our hearts screamed a message that our brains refused to hear; that this was the legendary Heintzen. Tentatively, he asked whether he might allowed to hazard a throw, and, when afforded the opportunity, he erased all doubts. Few indeed are the Ultimate players who have lived long enough to see the mythical "thumber" throw; none has ever seen it so perfectly executed.
After a brief stay, punctuated by a series of inspired tosses, Heintzen enquired "Is this Heaven?" Told, no, that it was the Pelham-Mt. Vernon border, he retreated to the weeds, alluding to the possibility that he might return "with a few friends", named Robinson, Burgess, Buckley, Vorel, and Kiernan.
I don't know what's going on here, but it's magic.